Mother's Day Reflections....

I'm not speaking for all widows, but since becoming a widow, I'm not real crazy about holidays.  I tend to dread them, all the hype, the commercialization, and then the day.  Mother's Day is one that is hard as well. You see the person that caused me to be a mother is not here.  I miss him and holidays are no longer the same.

It's not about the cards, the flowers, the gifts, the meals, or any of those things --- it's about the love and the respect.  In fact, my husband never once bought me a card or a gift for mother's day.  Every Mother's Day, he always told me "Happy Mother's Day and I'm thankful God chose you to be the mother of my boys." How in the world could a card or gift top that???  He then would laughingly say "I didn't get you a gift because you are not my mother."  And I (not so laughingly) always responded "you are so right and I praise the Lord for that!"  😀  I believe Mother's Day was somewhat his day too....I couldn't have been a Momma without him.  So I applaud him and honor him (and his memory) on this day too.  In our world today, it takes a village to raise a kiddo.  I was blessed to have such support.

Have you ever thought about who your first love was?  I mean, truly first love?  It was God.  He loved you FIRST!  He knew you before you were ever formed in your mother's womb.  He chose your mother.  He trusted her with your life.  He is the one who knows every single hair on your head, every single day of your life, every challenge, every life event, even knows when you may betray or deny him. He knows when you will sin (and he still loves you anyway).  He knows your every action before it happens.  He knows the exact number of breaths you will take.  He knows all your shortcomings, and He still loves you unconditionally.

But right on God's coat tails was your Mother!  She carried you inside her body, protected you, fed you, perhaps even was very sick during the process, she may have had a hard delivery, but SHE (after God) is the first person who ever loved you!  And Mommas have super powers...they can read minds, have eyes in the back of their heads, they often know what you may have done before you have a chance to tell them.  But like God, she has unconditional love for you.

Being a mother is the hardest job ever.  People say that the "terrible twos" are the toughest, but what about those teen-age years, or those rebellious years, and when they become adults?  It's hard being a Momma!  Since the beginning of humanity, we have been peed on, puked on, slobbered on, paced the floor at night with you crying, sat helpless when you were sick or broken hearted and we couldn't fix it, wondered how in the world we could afford those new fancy jeans "everyone was wearing", didn't flinch when we were the "worst mother" ever because you had a curfew, wouldn't agree to let you do everything you wanted to do because we knew it wasn't a good thing.  Mommas are some smart chicks!

I had an amazing mother and her home is in Heaven.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could pick up the phone and call her.  A girl always needs her Momma.  She was the strongest and toughest woman I've ever been blessed to know.  My momma spent her life taking care of my daddy, who was disabled.  It took me becoming an adult and a mother to realize the sacrifices she made for my daddy and my brothers and I.   I watched her when she was so tired and weary that I wondered how she did it.  I remember her big smile, I remember that little crease between her eyes when she was mad or disappointed -- especially the day my brother and I got two forks and ate the entire chocolate pie she had made!   I remember her chicken 'n dumplings (that, by the way, I never learned to make), I remember sitting at that table in the kitchen to have our meals.  We didn't sit in front of the TV, we sat at the table -- something people don't do any more.  I remember what she always said to me every.single.time I left the house -- "don't forget what I've taught you" and I remember always rolling my eyes and prayed she didn't see me!  LOL!  I could have been and should have been a better daughter.  If I only knew then what I know now....but that goes for everything in life doesn't it?  I remember I had everything I wanted, well, I didn't ever get that mohair sweater like my friend, Chip, had, but that's okay.  I guess we couldn't afford it.  As an adult I teased her about it all the time, and she just laughed.  But, that's a funny story for another time.  I knew that she always had my back and she loved me unconditionally.  I knew without a shadow of doubt, I could always count on my Momma. She was my biggest cheerleader ever!  I believe she was proud of me and I was proud of her.  Gee, I miss her!

Two of my greatest blessings are when the Lord made me a Momma and trusted me with two of His children.  I'll never forget the day they were each born.  I was overwhelmed and I was scared to death!  One looks like his daddy and one looks like his Momma.  They are alike in many ways but yet so different.  They were typical little boys growing up and typical siblings who would fuss and fight -- and, for you new Mommas, it doesn't stop when they become adults. 😄 -- I guess that's just human nature.  I remember those long days at the baseball fields and trying to get the grass stains out of those white pants, the late nights when they would be out and I sat at home saying prayers they were safe.  I remember that house full of little boys congregating, playing and how much they could eat!  They have pulled pranks on me and made me so mad, but they both have made me laugh and made me so proud and still do.  I thank God every day for blessing and trusting me with these two "little boys" (as they will always be in my eyes until the day God calls me home) and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't pray for each one of them.......that they will trust God; that they will always acknowledge Him and seek Him;  they will do the right thing; when they give their word to someone, they will honor what they said; that they will raise their children in a Godly home; that they will forgive me for my shortcomings.  Yep, the Lord trusted me with two of His best boys and I am thankful!

Happy Momma's Day to all you Moms out there.....

Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him. ~ Psalm 127:3

She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.  ~ Proverbs 31:25-28

A New Member in the Club

I am very sad this morning at the passing of another friend.  It seems that the older we get, the more death there is around us.  Friends passing this life more and more often.  One doesn't really think about death much in their younger years.  Those deaths are usually tragic accidents, etc.   But in reality, all are tragic.  As we age, and death becomes more common and it makes us think about our own mortality.  However, if we are believers in Christ, we know that we have everlasting life.

The first friend my husband and I made when moving to Fairfield, TX, has passed away.  He was 70 years old and had a good life.  He leaves behind a wife, a daughter, a son, and many other relatives.  I didn't see this friend much in the past few years.  Life just does that, it gets in the way; circumstances change, we get busy, we move away and before we know it, it's been a while since you saw each other.  But when that friendship bond is truly there, you are always friends no matter the time or the distance.  When you see each other, you pick up right where you left off.  This was one of those friends.  One that I knew that with just one phone call, he would be there.

My heart is broken for his sweet wife, Brenda.  She has become a member of the club no person ever wants to join.  She has began a journey down the road called "Grief" and it's not an easy road to travel.  Especially, if your marriage was 'old school', one with a deep trust, a deep love, a marriage of many, many years.  One where you had your ups and downs, and always completely relied on the other person.  My friends had this type of relationship.  Their 'WE' just became 'ME'.  Her world has been completely shattered.  Yes, she has her children, her family, friends, and those people are always  a great support system. But, there is just something, a void, a broken heart, emotions that cannot be explained.

Everyone will gather around her, love on her, tell her they are sorry, they will bring food, send cards, tell stories, they will pray for her, and do all the things that we do for families when someone dies.  All of these acts of kindness and friendship bring much comfort to the surviving spouse.  They are appreciated beyond measure.  We often don't realize how important these acts of kindness are until we are on the receiving end.

She will hold her head up high, she will plan the funeral, she will receive many visits, and go through the next few days/weeks with much courage, much dignity and much compassion.  She is completely heart broken inside, but she will shield her real pain from her family, her friends, but oh when the darkness falls and she is alone, she will fall apart.  When it's just her and Jesus late at night in the dark, that's when we really face the sorrow, the pain, the loneliness.

In a few weeks, every thing settles down, everyone goes back to their normal lives.  But you see, Brenda's life will never be 'normal' again.  She will be struggling to find her 'new normal'.  She can never 'move one' (in spite of those that will tell her that).  She has to learn to 'move forward'.  For some, that seems to be easier than for others.  She will still be drowning in a world of sorrow.  She is in the valley, and will be clawing her way out.

So all the things we do for a surviving spouse are necessary, they are wonderful, they are comforting. But in the years to come, that pain and sorrow is still there.  It never goes away.  As friends and family, we need to remember these spouses and continue to pray for them in the coming days, weeks, months and yes, even years.

We are blessed to have a God who is constant.  He understands our grief.  He gave His only Son so that we may have an everlasting life.  He will be by Brenda's side,  He will bottle her tears, He will love on her and He will never, ever leave her.  I thank Him and praise Him for this.

RIP Jim.  Your battle on this ole earth has been won and I know that your family will continue your legacy and make you proud beyond measure.

"You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book".  ~ Psalms 56:8

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or horror or crying or pain.  All these things are gone forever."  ~ Revelation 21:4