The first friend my husband and I made when moving to Fairfield, TX, has passed away. He was 70 years old and had a good life. He leaves behind a wife, a daughter, a son, and many other relatives. I didn't see this friend much in the past few years. Life just does that, it gets in the way; circumstances change, we get busy, we move away and before we know it, it's been a while since you saw each other. But when that friendship bond is truly there, you are always friends no matter the time or the distance. When you see each other, you pick up right where you left off. This was one of those friends. One that I knew that with just one phone call, he would be there.
My heart is broken for his sweet wife, Brenda. She has become a member of the club no person ever wants to join. She has began a journey down the road called "Grief" and it's not an easy road to travel. Especially, if your marriage was 'old school', one with a deep trust, a deep love, a marriage of many, many years. One where you had your ups and downs, and always completely relied on the other person. My friends had this type of relationship. Their 'WE' just became 'ME'. Her world has been completely shattered. Yes, she has her children, her family, friends, and those people are always a great support system. But, there is just something, a void, a broken heart, emotions that cannot be explained.
Everyone will gather around her, love on her, tell her they are sorry, they will bring food, send cards, tell stories, they will pray for her, and do all the things that we do for families when someone dies. All of these acts of kindness and friendship bring much comfort to the surviving spouse. They are appreciated beyond measure. We often don't realize how important these acts of kindness are until we are on the receiving end.
She will hold her head up high, she will plan the funeral, she will receive many visits, and go through the next few days/weeks with much courage, much dignity and much compassion. She is completely heart broken inside, but she will shield her real pain from her family, her friends, but oh when the darkness falls and she is alone, she will fall apart. When it's just her and Jesus late at night in the dark, that's when we really face the sorrow, the pain, the loneliness.
In a few weeks, every thing settles down, everyone goes back to their normal lives. But you see, Brenda's life will never be 'normal' again. She will be struggling to find her 'new normal'. She can never 'move one' (in spite of those that will tell her that). She has to learn to 'move forward'. For some, that seems to be easier than for others. She will still be drowning in a world of sorrow. She is in the valley, and will be clawing her way out.
So all the things we do for a surviving spouse are necessary, they are wonderful, they are comforting. But in the years to come, that pain and sorrow is still there. It never goes away. As friends and family, we need to remember these spouses and continue to pray for them in the coming days, weeks, months and yes, even years.
We are blessed to have a God who is constant. He understands our grief. He gave His only Son so that we may have an everlasting life. He will be by Brenda's side, He will bottle her tears, He will love on her and He will never, ever leave her. I thank Him and praise Him for this.
RIP Jim. Your battle on this ole earth has been won and I know that your family will continue your legacy and make you proud beyond measure.
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book". ~ Psalms 56:8
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or horror or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." ~ Revelation 21:4
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