Just the facts, Man, just the facts!

As I was doing some research on grief and how to minister to others, I came across an article by Thom S. Rainer (CEO of Lifeway Christian Book Stores) about the church and their role in the life of widows/widowers.  Guess what folks?  We ARE the church.  Church is not a building, it's people.

Did you ever think about the ripple effect on a person when their spouse dies?  Below are seven facts (and their source) that I believe are right on target!!

1.  The death of a spouse is the number one stressor in a person's life.  Too many survivors are not ready to deal with the issues of widowhood (Holmes and Rohe stress scale).

2.  Over 800,000 persons are widowed each year.  Of the number, 700,000 are women (U.S. Bureau of the Census).

3.  Widowhood lasts on the average 14 years.  This is a significant portion of any person's life (U.S. Bureau of the Census).

4.  There are over 14 million widows in the United States today.  That is an average of 40 widows for every church in the United States. (AARP)

5.  Upon the death of a spouse, a widow loses 75% of her support base.  It is imperative for churches to stand in the gap (Widow's Hope).

6.  Widows have a 30% higher risk of death in the first six moths after the death of their husbands.  They truly die of a broken heart (University of Glasgow).

7.  The poverty rate among widows is three to four times higher than elderly married women.  Financial needs among widows are often great (Social Security Administration.)

For me personally, the facts listed above that have been the hardest for me are, well, of course, #1, but also #5 and #6.  When 'we' becomes 'me', you lose a lot of friends.  My husband and I had lots of friends and did lots of things with them socially.  I can count on one hand the number of couples who still include me in activities.  No, I'm not having a pity party...It's life and every widow I've talked with says the same thing.  Your friendship/support base completely changes and diminishes.  I don't believe it is anything personal towards the widow or widower, just people don't know how to respond.  As for as #6, I believe this because I was there.  I wanted to die because life was too hard, but by the Grace of God, I'm still here.

In addition to the above facts, there are many other things that happen when one loses a spouse.  A lady named Miriam Neff gave the following description of becoming a widow/widower: 

“Imagine a single event that will dramatically change your calendar, your checkbook, your friendship network, the contents of your refrigerator, the temperature you set your thermostat, your outlook on your future, and your connection with your children. And that's not all. Your appearance may change, your emotions, your sleep pattern, your theology, your social status, and possibly your address.” 

Ms. Neff hit the nail on the head!  The one person you need (in addition to God) to help you through such an event is the one who died.  You have no one to tell your story to.....What about those accomplished goals that you are proud of? What about seeing an old friend you haven't seen in years? What about talking about the weather or the news?  What about those big ole hugs?  What about just having someone to have a cup of coffee with?  The list just goes on and on.  Yes, it is a ripple effect...one thing leads to another.  But, as Christians, if we stay in the Word of God, and allow Him to work in our lives, we will realize we are never truly alone and always have someone to talk to.

So as a widow or a widower, we must learn to fly above the storm.  You ask, "How do I do this?"  Trust in God, allow Him to bottle those tears and hold your hand on this journey down the road of grief. No, it is not easy at all, but something we must do if we wish to have any type of peace.

But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.  ~  Isaiah 40:31